But Then I Got High
by GitsAtlaBKIAT
Summary: A collection of scenarios where members of the Bobby Wasabi dojo are high. Need I say more?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I should update my other story and I will. Later. But I must post this first. Took my friend to the dentist and this fic was born. Ah, the advantages of medicated friends.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the chracters or songs or websites or TV shows in this story. Don't sue me. You will not win.**

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Jack followed the doctor down the hall as he led him to a patient's room. That room was currently inhabited by said patient, Kim Crawford. Yes, Kimberly Anne Crawford was in a dentist's office, after much resistance and reluctance. She had broken a tooth in practice after taking a hard blow to the face from Jerry. Not only was her tooth broken, but so was Jerry's nose after she punched him into next week.

Jack winced slightly at the memory. He could still hear Jerry's 'Colombian War Cry' and the crunch of fist colliding with bone. No matter how funny that may look in your head, its worse when there's blood gushing from a crying Latino on the floor and a small blonde whimpering in pain while holding her jaw.

So, after some examination of nose and mouth, Jack and Rudy had managed to persuade Kim to go see a dentist. What they didn't know was that Kim would try as hard as she could to procrastinate her visit to the doctor.

After weeks of complaining and moaning, Jack had called up Dr. Stevens and scheduled an appointment for Kim. To say she was not happy was an understatement, and she proved her displeasure in the form of kicking the shit out of everyone in the dojo.

The day of the appointment, Jack took Kim for her operation and waited patiently in the lobby of the dentist's office. Dr. Stevens had just called him to see Kim and was currently leading him down a hall that smelled of antiseptic and bubblegum, a peculiar combination that made Jack's nose burn in irritation.

The doctor led him to a door and allowed him to go through. He stayed in the doorway while Jack walked into the room and looked for Kim. She was lying down on a reclined leather seat, gauze stuffed in her mouth and tear tracks streaking down her cheeks.

She opened her eyes when he sat next to her on the couch, smiling slightly when she saw who it was. Jack smiled back and she giggled and poked his nose. Dr. Stevens cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I think you'll be happy to know that Kimberly is going to be just fine."

Jack looked at the doctor, ignoring Kim and her whines when he glanced away from her. "That's a relief. But, why is she so…giggly?" he asked, Kim proving his point by poking him in the cheek and giggling cutely.

Dr. Stevens smiled and said, "We gave her some anesthesia to knock her out for the procedure. She'll be a little loopy for a couple hours." He chuckled at the sight of Jack wiggling his fingers at Kim and her laughing loudly.

_It's like she's high,_ Jack thought, watching Kim's eyes widen as he pretended to lose his thumb. She grabbed his fist and turned it in her palm frantically, her eyes wide open and scared.

She turned to Jack and said around a mouth full of gauze, "Jack, your thumb's missing." She said it so seriously that Jack bit his tongue from trying to hold in his laughter.

Dr. Stevens cleared his throat. "I'll leave you two to talk." As he turned around to walk out of the room, Kim shouted.

He faced her as she asked, "Doctor, can you fix Jack's missing thumb?" She held out Jack's hand while looking at the doctor with wide eyes. Dr. Stevens smiled politely and walked up to Kim, taking the brunette's hand out of hers and pulling his thumb away from his palm. Kim's eyes widened even more (if that was possible) and she stared at Jack's hand. Dr. Stevens turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. Laura was not going to believe this one.

Jack stopped sniggering and looked back to Kim. She looked like a little kid as she twisted his hand around and stroked it, her eyes full of wonder at his thumb's reappearance. He smiled slightly and used his other hand to wipe the tear tracks from her face. Kim closed her eyes at the movement and placed her cheek in his palm.

"How do you feel?" he whispered, not wanting to ruin the moment. Kim's brow crinkled and her nose scrunched up.

"I feel…like I…am in a cartoon," she said, slurring her words slightly. Jack laughed silently, deeming the moment ruined. He pulled out his phone and started recording her. This was totally going on YouTube.

Jack asked, "Why do you feel like you're in a cartoon?" Kim opened her eyes and at him with a deadpan stare. She started to push herself up from the chair grabbing on to Jack's shoulder for leverage. He gently pushed her down.

"You have to stay and rest; doctor's orders." Kim whined and lied back again. Jack kept his phone on her, hoping she would say something incredibly funny. He was not disappointed.

"Perverted alien, he likes boys, but he's not gay-lian. He's super flexible, but he doesn't have any genitals," Kim sang, bopping her head to the beat. She continued to sing the very dirty song and Jack filmed her and hoped the camera wasn't shaking from his laughter.

"You want to know what cartoon I feel like I'm in?" Kim suddenly asked. Jack nodded, not trusting himself to burst out laughing. Kim closed her eyes and brought her hands up in front of her face.

"I feel…like I'm in Avatar: The Last Airbender. The cartoon, not the movie. The movie was shit," she said opening her eyes. The camera was shaking again.

Kim continued. "Except people aren't bending the elements, unicorns are. Yeah, unicorns. Yeah…" she slurred. Jack shook his head. Total blackmail material.

All of a sudden Kim started crying. Tears flew down her cheeks and onto her chin, mingling with the dried blood from her operation.

Jack panicked. "Kim, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?" Kim shook her head to all of those questions and sniffled. "What is it, what's wrong?"

Kim sobbed, "I want to be a unicorn Avatar!" She continued crying while Jack froze and then stared at her with half-lidded eyes.

He stopped recording on his phone. He quickly dialed in a number and waited for it to ring. After a couple seconds, there was a small "Hello?"

"Hey, Mrs. Crawford. I was wondering if you could come pick me and Kim up?" Jack asked. He was totally not dealing with anymore of this bullshit today.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So many people wanted me to continue, so I sighed and said, what the hell? Here's chapter 2 of Kim being high. But it's not Kim this time.**

**Disclaimer: If I have to ask you not to sue me, you have no life. I don't own the music or movies in this story, blah blah blah. Screw you guys, I'm going home.**

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Kim sat next to a shivering Jack, wetting the cloth in her hand once more before putting it on his forehead. It seemed like nothing she did brought his fever down. The only thing left was to give him a cold bath, but Kim didn't want to take that chance with Jack barely even able to feed himself, let alone get undressed.

"Kim," Jack croaked. She quickly came to his aid, her eyes full of concern. Jack slightly smiled. She didn't have to do this, didn't have to take care of him. But she wanted to, she said. How much was she regretting that decision now?

"What is it?" Kim whispered. Jack stared at her for a while, making her slightly uncomfortable under his gaze. Finally, he moved.

Jack brought his hands up to her face, cupping his hands around her cheeks and pulling head closer to his. He stared into her eyes, mesmerized, until they changed. They weren't Kim's eyes anymore. They were Eddie's.

Jack quickly pushed Kim away, ruining whatever moment they could have possibly had, and shouted, "Eddie, how many times to I have to tell you, give me some space! I need my own air here!" Kim watched, dumbfounded as Jack started yelling at her, calling her Eddie and saying that even though he was sick, he deserved a bit of personal space. Kim just shook her head. Goddamn, this fever was hitting him like a ton of bricks.

"Jack, shut up!" she yelled, effectively silencing his ranting. He stared at her with wide eyes before moving to get out of bed. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" Kim demanded.

Jack stared at her again, before pushing himself to his feet, balancing his wobbling body by holding onto Kim's shoulder. He stared at the wall before whispering dramatically, "I need to prepare myself."

Kim stared at him. "What."

"They're coming Kimmy," he murmured. "I need to prepare the weapons and food, so we can get out of this town quickly, before the infection spreads." Kim's stare didn't waver. What the fuck was going on? She was so shocked, she didn't even notice when Jack leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Wait for me."

And with that he ran out of the bedroom, tumbling into the hallway, like they do in the movies. Jack pushed himself up against the wall, sliding down it, before tumbling to the staircase. He hummed the Mission Impossible theme song to himself, looking around before hopping on to the wooden banister and sliding down it. He almost got his balls smashed when he reached the end with the little ball ornament. Luckily, he hopped off just in time.

Kim finally got her wits about her, and ran after Jack, pounding down the stairs and into the living room. He was behind the couch, grabbing his phone and playing the Mission Impossible theme before tumbling to the fireplace. He grabbed the Nerf gun lying on the coffee table and held it up to his head.

Jack saw Kim, but it wasn't Kim. It was one of them. He stood up quickly. "Die, you fucking Twilight vampire!" he shouted before unleashing a series of Nerf darts at her. Kim saw them coming just in time and dived to the floor.

As she lay on the floor, incapacitated (at least in Jack's eyes) he quickly pulled his phone out and played the James Bond theme song. Nothing like a good spy song to get you motivated. Jack quickly left the living room, doing a back handspring and tumbling into the kitchen, almost hitting his head on the counter.

He held the Nerf gun up to his head again, the kitchen changing into a battle ground. The Twilight fans would be here soon, ready to enact their revenge Jack for killing one of the lame, sparkly vampires.

He crab walked to the stove and oven, pulling open the oven door and putting in his 'passcode'. The oven started talking. "Agent Anderson, welcome back. Your mission is to use the vampire that you just assassinated as a hostage. Headquarters have information regarding the Twilight fans. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make sure the Twilight fans do not infiltrate the home base. This message will self-destruct in five minutes."

Jack memorized all the information from the talking oven, tumbling away from it as it seemed to explode. He walked back into the living room, seeing Kim calling out his name, and got ready to pounce.

Kim kept calling out Jack's name, surprised that someone with a fever of 102 degrees could avoid her so easily. She fell silent when she heard footsteps behind her. She slowly turned around, not wanting to startle him. However, it was futile. Jack saw her move and dove into action.

With a war cry, he ran at Kim and pulled her to the ground. They slammed into the wooden floor, Jack on top. He quickly restrained her hand above her head and brought out his Nerf gun.

"Jack, what the hell?" Kim shouted, struggling against the hands holding her down. Jack stood up quickly, keeping her wrists bound together while dragging her body to the closet by the staircase. He quickly got his mother's scarf and tied her hands, before dragging her back to the kitchen.

Jack quickly grabbed a chair and sat Kim on it, tying the ends of the scarf to the chair, using a dish towel to tie her feet together to the legs. As he went to the window to check for Twilight fan girls, Kim shouted, "Jack, untie me!"

Jack ignored Kim's shouts and threats, which consisted of her shoving his testicles into his gastrointestinal tract, and checked the sidewalks for any suspicious people. Not seeing any immediate threats, he turned back to Kim who was still shouting expletives in the air in front of her, not being able to face him.

He ran to her side, cupping his hand over her mouth. She glared at him, her gaze—which would have probably made him piss his pants—doing nothing but making him slightly uncomfortable.

He bent down so they could be face to face. "Kimmy, you have to be quiet. Otherwise the other fan girls and vampires will hear you," he whispered. Kim's glare didn't waver and she did the only thing she could do at that moment, no matter how immature it was. Her decision made, Kim stuck her tongue out and promptly licked Jack's palm.

He quickly pulled his hand from her mouth, wiping it on his sweat pants. Kim started complaining again about being tied up, talking about chafed hands. It was getting tiring and annoying, and the only thing Jack wanted was to shut this blonde up. She would blow his cover.

As Kim was in the middle of taking a breath, Jack moved forward. Kim's eyes widened as she felt a new pair of lips on her own. Wanting to struggle, but feeling too good to do so, she kissed back, taking a deep breath when Jack's tongue invaded her mouth.

After a couple of long, blissful seconds of tonsil hockey, he pulled back, before bringing up a roll of duct tape and ripping a piece off. Disoriented and dazed, Kim didn't notice as he closed her jaw and taped her mouth shut.

Jack went back to the window to keep watch, his hostage successfully contained. His mission would be accomplished.

As Kim sat in the chair bound and taped, she thought to herself, _I am totally kicking his ass when he's not high._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I got a lot of reviews for chapter 2, so get ready for some emotion from me. It will be horrifying, so if you get scared, skip this part. Thanks for the reviews, they mean a lot, rest of the cliche paragraph. Anyway, this is Milton's surgery, which is what really happened after I had surgery. When I was told what happened, I peed myself. I'll try to make you piss yourself too.**

**Disclaimer: You can suck my lollipop for all I care. I don't own the movies or TV shows. Just this taser.**

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Jack, Kim, Jerry, Eddie, and Rudy surrounded Milton's hospital bed. The reason for being in the hospital? Milton's tonsils were the size of grapefruits and doctors were concerned he would choke himself to death. Hence the reason why he was high as a kite right now, being prepped for surgery.

"Milton, you'll be fine, these doctors know what they're doing," Rudy said. However Milton was still freaked out; what if one of these doctors was wearing earrings that would fall off and into his throat during the operation? He'd never speak again. It's happened before!

As Milton continued to shake his head in denial and trying to get out of his handcuffs, the doctor came in. He sent two nurses to take the breaks off the rolling bed, while he checked his patient's chart. The chart he dropped in surprise when Milton started screaming.

"Let me go, don't touch me!" he shouted. Everyone within hearing vicinity jumped back in surprise, as did the nurse who was correcting his IV. Milton continued to shout, thrashing in the bed, looking like he was trying to do the worm on his back.

"Milton, calm down! No one's going to hurt you!" Kim shouted. Milton stopped screaming, staring at Kim's face intensely, making her wonder if there was a piece of hospital pudding still on her face. No one needed to know she snuck one in.

"Kim?" Milton called, bringing her attention back on the boy the doctors labeled, screaming lunatic. She stepped next to him, bending down to his level when he requested. She was promptly freaked out when he stuck his face in her hair, taking a deep breath and almost nipping her scalp with his teeth. She jerked back in surprise, a couple strands of her hair coming loose from her ponytail. She leaned away from him when he just stared at her and smiled.

Deeming him calmed down, the nurses rolled Milton's hospital bed out of the room to the operation room, a little unnerved at the creepy smile on his face. This boy has issues, they concluded.

The rest of the gang all stared at the spot Milton was just laying, as weirded out as Kim was. "What the fuck?" Jerry asked. Everyone just shook their heads. As they got ready to leave the hospital for some chicken wings at Anthony's Coal Fried Pizza, a maniacal laugh rang in the air.

Jack walked out into the hallway, checking for the source of the 'Dr. Evil' laugh. What he saw could have caused multiple brain cells to die for a weaker person.

At the end of the corridor, the doors to the OR opened and Milton came running out, his handcuffs hanging off one hand, a bobby-pin held in the other. A bunch of nurses came out after him, some of them carrying tasers, and a couple with needles.

The rest of the gang came out of the room just as Milton sped past them, the back of his hospital gown flowing in the wind. The sight of his bare butt and back caused Eddie to grimace in disgust.

The nurses continued to chase their friend down the hospital, tripping and falling to the floor as Milton grabbed a wheelchair and pushed it in front of their legs. Rudy started chasing Milton himself, jumping over the wheelchair and the fat old lady Milton pushed in his way.

The others followed, tracking the insane laughter and the shouts, "You can't take me alive, Terminator!" They chased him all down the hallway, until Jack sped up and tackled him to the floor. Milton struggled under Jack's grip, wheezing when Jack squeezed his knees around his ribs. Kim had a sudden sense of déjà vu.

"Milton, calm the fuck down!" Jack shouted, causing Milton to stop squirming under him. He stared up at the gang, looking at all their faces and seeing nothing but robots. Robots that wanted to kill him and everyone else in this hospital after they harnessed their organs!

"No! You can't take me alive. I'll never help you, you damn killing machine!" Milton shouted squirming again and ignoring the confused faces on his friends.

Jerry took out his phone and started recording. When someone gets high and freaky, take out your phone and hope for some funny shit to happen. Best advice ever.

"What are you talking about?" Eddie asked, throwing his hands up into the air. "You're not making any sense! And you kept us from going to Anthony's." Everyone nodded, their faces solemn. Its coal fried pizza with chicken wings, you can't say no to that. Besides, they were hoping to see a famous person there, like Louis C.K. or Amy Lee.

Milton said, "Don't play dumb. I know your plan, T2," He referred to Jack as he said this. "I know you're planning to harness my organs and turn me into your slave. But you can't have me. You couldn't contain me in these handcuffs and you can't contain me now!"

They all watched as Milton started struggling again, his bony legs kicking wildly, trying to get some leverage over Jack. At this moment the nurses caught up, holding him down and pushing Jack off him and picking him up.

They strapped him to a gurney, ignoring his struggling and accusations. One of the nurses took a needle and stuck it in his arm. Milton immediately started getting droopy eyed, whispering to himself as they rolled him back to the OR.

Rudy looked to his students and asked, "Who want's pizza? It's on me." There was a shout of agreement and they walked down the street to eat chicken wings and pizza while their friend was having a body part removed.

In the operation room, just before falling asleep, Milton had one last thought. _I will avenge Julie, Skynet. You're going down._ Everything faded to black.

As Jerry showed Milton the video of him escaping and rolling around on the floor, Eddie thought to himself, _That was some damn good pizza._


End file.
